Statement From the CEO

Cybersecurity is, hands down, a highly profitable industry, (Our company lawyer wishes we state clearly to the SEC that we are not making huge profits.). It’s also really important in the protection of critical “infrastructure”, like my Cayman Island bank accounts, yachts, high-end apartments in various locations, my private jet (including making sure it doesn’t fly sideways). According to our VP of Hugging, Empathy and Human-ing, I’m also supposed to say that cybersecurity is crucial in protecting the lives of OTHER lesser people and whatever. To do that, we must unite in our common goal of getting paid a shitton of money while simultaneously ensuring the “common good” is safe from harm by APT, 4chan, or China or whatever they’re called these days.

When hearing of the evaporation of one of our smaller competitors, I immediately gathered all of the Threatbutt team to burn a bunch of evidenc^Wstuff at the behest of our very worried looking and somewhat drunk legal team, Dave. A bittersweet event, of course, because despite our differences, we are all striving for the same goal: protecting our ass    ets. As the CEO of a super great cyber threat protection computer company, it's unnerving to watch the demise of another company (especially when they consist of people with whom you've most likely done <REDACTED> in <REDACTED> while <REDACTED>.

Unfortunately, in spite of our "Threat Intel and Chill" mantra here at Threatbutt, it seems some parties wish to celebrate this as a victory, but our marketing team are frankly terrified at the thought of having to come up with their own content.

Again, my marketing department who strangely have LinkedIn up on their laptops already, are trying to remind me that we are working towards the shared goals of the "Get Paid and Chill"^Wcybersecurity industry.

Threatbutt's awesome marketing™ site and industry"-leading" Internet Hacking Attribution Map®™ were temporarily knocked offline by the doxing and credit card hacking group “kREBSoNsECURITY” in retaliation for our Viking brothers and sisters and elves websites going dark. Threatbutt customers (and prospects [please be sure to respond to our VP of Swindl^WSales, directly!) should rest assured that our best Mechanical Turks are on the case on adding the newer 16mbit Token Ring cards to make us fully DDoS-proof.

"We" appreciate your continued patronage, loyalty, and naïveté.

Namaste,

Richard Derriere, Chief Executive Officer, Threatbutt Inc. the best Threat Intel APT Internet Hack Protector all around ever and forever